But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
