Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
