i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We left the knife in your bed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
