Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
