GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
