I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize