I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
