My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
