Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
