I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
