i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
