I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We left the knife in your bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
