i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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