Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
