Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Couch. On fire.
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