Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
