I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
