that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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