Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
