Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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