so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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