omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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