Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize