i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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