He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
