bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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