Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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