Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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