i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
