foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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