Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
