im about as happy as oj after his trial
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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