I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
