you would pick up someone in the library
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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