I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
