Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize