this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
