Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
