can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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