hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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