i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
