Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
