His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize