yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
