I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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