Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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