I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
they're like a gay fantastic four
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize