i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
