we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
