You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
