my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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