uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
