i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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