Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
