guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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