I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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