thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
