We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
