Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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