you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
