dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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