I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
