Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
