you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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