Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
