a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
