She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
